Monday, October 15, 2012

Proud of My Size

This is my first time participating. I've been having so many conflicting thoughts lately about my weight, eating, and fitness. I want to work out mostly for my mental health, it really helps me sleep which helps my mood, anxiety etc. I happen to really like the way my body looks and Ed does too, but ill get this idea in my head that there's no point in working out if I'm not going to look like a fitness model but...i don't want to look like a fitness model (and Ed is really not into that), it's just such a mind fuck.

Secondly I've always been an emotional eater, just because I don't want to deal with things by eating doesn't mean I want to be on a diet or log calories. I feel like I've come a long way though with all of this, a personal victory for me was well posting the above photo and then this one earlier this week.

I thought this photo was funny, it's the only one Ed got of my playing skeeball. I didn't check it afterward to make sure I didn't look fat and then try to take a more "flattering" one, I was having fun. I want to share and remember that we were having fun, so there is my belly! Do I think if I didn't post this people would think I didn't have a belly? I'm 5'7" and fluctuate between 195-200lbs so yeah surprise!!
I also have cellulite! I am Caucasian and have thinish skin, even plus size models are airbrushed and that's kinda fucked...feeling like you're not even the good kind of fat. fuck it. I love my body. I want to eat well and exercise when I feel like it...because sometimes you just don't want to! I want to take care of my mind above all else though and that means loving my body exactly the way it is.

(I'll refrain from linking up I guess even thought my thought on all this are positive I might be out of bounds ^__^)