Monday, December 16, 2013

2013... Thanks Obama.

 I thought about trying to do a wrap up post but the thought of going through a year of instagram pictures and trying to remember what happened bores me. I am glad this year is coming to an end, I will remember it as the year of our families being awful and stressful.

 Something happened in the past 3 years since super meat boy came out, we became successful, and how the world viewed us changed. It is perceived that if you have money all of your problems are solved, while your money problems are solved all of your mental,emotional, and social problems are still there and if youre like me you'd feel like you aren't allowed to have those anymore, because everyone seems to have it so much harder. Oh also you're looked at as the person who could fix everyone else's money problems even thought they are a direct result of bad decisions and how does that actually solve anything. I don't have a lot of sympathy for people that live way above their means and are in financial turmoil, I grew up on welfare and have been working since I was 16. Throughout our relationship i watched people move into better places than us, buy new cars while I was crawling in through the driver side of ours, and the most painful...watching people have children. I don't know where I stand on wanting kids now but for many years of our relationship it was the one thing i thought I needed to be happy, I remember crying to Ed, "How many more people that shouldn't have kids are going to have them before we have one!?"

  I think I'm less vocal than most people about my woes, even before super meat boy I stopped really venting on my blog, probably once facebook came along and suddenly your entire family is on the internet and made  aware of your internet activities. I tried to keep my blog light and not negative also because I don't like dwelling on the negative things that happened even though it's way more healthy to vent about them.

 I came across this blog post, on actively documenting your life through photos, today and this paragraph really resonated with me:

"Sometime about 3 years ago... two things influenced me away from my previous habit. One was that I started buying into the argument that if you're always shooting your life, you aren't present enough to live it. I can say, from experience, that it isn't the case with me. Also I have a terrible memory, so having records of the things I do allows me to relive moments I'd otherwise forget entirely. The other big influence was that I started having access to "higher profile" people in my life, and I didn't want to look like I was taking advantage. I didn't want to be posting photos of famous and popular people and seem that I was just trying to look cooler than I was."

 I did think that if i was too focused on updating my blog I wouldn't actually be living my life but after this year, the most undocumented year of my life, I can hardly remember anything that's happened, and i don't have much to look back on. Also as our lifestyle somewhat changed I felt like it would be alienating to people..but that has been my whole problem, caring what other people think. This is my life now, no matter how easy and comfortable it may seem to people (it's not), we worked really hard to get here and I don't want to feel guilty about that.

 My resolution this year is to keep my camera with me all the time, to try and use it before I go for the phone, and update my blog somewhat regularly.


keri said...

I love this post, Danielle. I love you as much as I possibly can with having never met you in person. This has been a crazy year for me & so many of your words often hit just the right spot. Thanks for being you & for being honest about it...xox

Vu Bui said...

A fantastic post! Our situations have been similar yet different. I moved to Sweden, left my brother with our production company to work at Mojang, and that changed my life completely. And I felt like I couldn't be the same person I used to be.

But we can still be who we really are. It just takes effort to not care what others think. Which is one of the hardest things in the world.

Glad I found your blog! :D